Don't do THAT on Facebook

Some of you have heard me say before how fascinated I am with the most simple of truths about Facebook (and some other social networking sites as well); that on Facebook everybody has a news feed which is unique to them and nobody has any control over what gets into their feed beyond whom they choose to friend/follow (but not block).

The thing is, that different people have some very different ideas about what should and should not be shared on Facebook, and at times people can get very vocal about others sharing things they don't want to see because often the only choices you have are to convince your friends to stop posting things you don't like, block them from your feed or just live with the content you don't like.

I find that about once per year something has gotten me upset enough that I feel inclined to go on a public rant over my friends posting such things. Past rants of mine have included:

• Slacktivism (which despite being much less than it was 5 years ago, is clearly never going away)
• Friends constantly complaining about layout changes (the number of these complaints have massively decreased despite the fact that Facebook continues to change their layout multiple times per year)
• Friends constantly complaining about it being Monday (I am happy to be employed, why are you trying to drag me down with you?)
• Friends constantly complaining about the weather (if the weather upsets you 3/4 of the time, consider moving to a climate you would like)
• Friends constantly complaining about getting game invites in their feed (one of the few things you actually can easily block on Facebook)

But my complaints are just a small sample of what people are saying not to do on Facebook; if you were to try to not offend anyone you would have to avoid doing all of these.

• Don't post anything of the mundane things happening in your life. (obviously nobody cares)
• Don't post anything about your job. (its not as interesting as you think)
• Don't post anything about your hobbies. (everyone thinks they are stupid anyways)
• Don't post anything about shows you like. (most people don't care and the rest don't want to be spoiled)

• Don't complain about any of the little annoyances that happen in your life. (other people have it worse)
• Don't complain about any of the huge troubles in your life. (we don't want to be brought down, and somewhere, someone has it worse than you)
• Don't talk about any of the good things happening in your life. (you're just making other people jealous)
• Don't post about an upcoming party. (some people won't be there)
• Don't share your opinions on religion and politics. (people who disagree don't want to see your crap)
• Don't say anything pro or con about any health issue. (someone will hate you for it)
• Don't try to tell jokes. (you're not that funny)
• Don't post quotes. (so unoriginal)
• Don't post anything publicly you could send privately. (nobody cares)
• Don't post things on multiple social networks.
• Don't post links to anything you haven't checked on Snopes. (cause no one wants to see anything fake)
• Don't post links to Snopes. (don't be that guy)
• Don't post links to Cracked, Youtube, Reddit, College Humor, Buzz Feed,  The Onion, Slashdot, The Guardian, The Daily Mail, Fox News, The Huffington Post, Yahoo News, Rotten Tomatoes, any webcomics, Tumblr, Pinterest . . .
• Don't post links to news that other people on my feed have already linked to. (if its remotely interesting, you're probably too late)
• Don't post links to your blog (oops)
• Don't post pictures of yourself drunk. (don't need to see it)
• Don't post pictures of your kids. (no one cares)
• Don't post selfies (especially duckfaced ones)

• Don't post pictures of your vacation. (stop rubbing it in our faces)
• Don't post memes.
• Don't post Bit Strips. (don't you know everyone hates those)
• Don't play any Facebook games that will harass your friends. (which is to say, all of them)
• Don't "vaguebook".

So basically, don't post anything. Except that some people get pissed when there's nothing new on their feed, so you lose that way too. Don't have an account maybe? I don't know how to win this game. Oh wait, yes I do - "the only winning move is not to play" - which in this case means post whatever makes you happy to post and other people can follow you or not follow you as they wish.