I mentioned in another note six weeks ago that I feel 2009 will be the year I will forever look back on as the year my whole life changed. Since writing that note I have ended my career in tech support and registered and been accepted to NAIT. While I didn't know yet what I was doing career wise when I wrote that earlier note, I did know my whole mindset had changed, and that changes in my life had to follow.
It feels odd, and even foolish, to say this but there have four quotes which more than anything contributed to my change from being happy taking phone calls to being happy to never take them again. (it feels even more foolish to admit that three of these quotes came from TV shows)
"If you really want to help your children work on improving yourself."
That's paraphrased from a guest on The Daily Show in early 2009. Unlike the other quotes taken from TV, I didn't see the immediate value in this one, and so made no effort to record it. Basically the guest's whole premise was that the immense effort many parents put into trying to ensure their child has the perfect childhood is completely wasted. He said children are incredibly resilient and will turn out OK regardless of whether or not you do the things that various child-experts recommend. But, the one thing you could do that would help your child is to be a better example for them; don't work on them, work on you.
I really disagreed with this guy when I watched the interview. But the more I thought about it afterwards, the more I started to see his point of view. And while I am sure some people think I have always been a good role model for Robbie, I think that can only be said to be true to a degree; I have not been living a life I would want for Robbie, and in that regard at least, I have been a very poor role model.
"... you can never be who you want to be, if you're always looking over your shoulder at what could have been."
This was spoken by Chloe on Smallville, when she realized that it was time to let go of her life long dream of being a reporter. The moment I heard this line I had to stop the show and hear the line again, and again and again. I have been looking over my shoulder for 15 years, forever in love with my childhood dream of being a physicist.
For reasons I can't explain, after hearing this line I was able to forgive myself for my past failures, and was able to start trying to figure out who I want to be now.
"In life you always have a choice; sometimes its easier to think that you don't."
This was spoken by Guinevere on Merlin. I have very frequently thought that I had no choice in the happenings of my life. Up until I heard this line, I had spent much of the past five years thinking of my career in ways more typical of someone twenty years older than me - that it was set in stone and that at this point I was stuck on this path till it came time to retire.
Not only did this open my eyes to the absurdity of thinking your career is set in stone at 34, but I've come to realize that it is equally absurd to think so at 44 and 54. You always have a choice; you might not have every choice you want, but you do not have to accept something that is wrong for you.
"we choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard,"
Those classic words of JFK got a lot of air time in July, when I was considering going to school, but was afraid of how hard it would be. Hearing these words made me realize how much taking the easy route has cost me over the years. As far back as the seventh grade I was always looking for the easiest possible route at school. Doing this eventually cost me getting into Physics at U of A like I wanted. Then it lead to me getting expelled. After I was expelled I looked for an easy way to get back in, and as such never did. When I decided to go into computers I took an easy course that got me a worthless cert; its quite possible I would still be in IT and successful at it if I had instead applied myself to a meaningful program. Taking the easy route pays off immediately, but costs a hundred fold in the long run.
Hearing this quote over and over my fear of the difficulty of the program I have entered has disappeared. Not because I think it will be easy, but because I understand that the difficulty is what will make it worthwhile.
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