10 Compliments I Might Not Be Able to Accept

So today I ran across an article about 10 compliments a wife should be giving her husband (found here). While I don't disagree with any of the items listed in the article as general advice, they don't all stack up so well for me.


#1. I'm so glad I married you.

I completely agree that this is an important thing for a husband to hear. But reading it written like that made me realize how important one's choice of words can be. Margaret says this to me all the time, but she usually phrases it in a manner to "I'm so lucky to have you.".

While I don't doubt that her intent is the same as "I'm so glad I married you." what I end up hearing is "My self esteem is so low that I don't think I'm worthy of you." And the problem with that statement is that it takes the focus off the person being complimented, and puts it on the person speaking; that is to say that rather than appreciate the compliment I find myself defending my wife from herself.



#2. I love how you provide for this family.

I can't take Margaret seriously when she says this; I have repeatedly failed at being a provider.



#3. I'm so proud of you.

This is another one that is hard for me to graciously accept because I don't know what she would be proud of.



#4. You're such a great daddy.

Margaret has said this many times. I think I have done some things very well, and other not so well. I think I would be more accepting of it if it weren't phrased as a superlative. I could accept "You're a decent father." 




#5. You're so hot.

I have put Margaret in a very difficult situation with this one. On the one hand I feel like she is lying when she says it, but on the other hand I get depressed when she goes a long time without saying it.

I cannot take my wife seriously when she says this because I know it to be untrue. However, I don't tend to argue with her when she says such things because she doesn't believe me when I tell her she is hot. Of course, I am right and she is wrong, and that makes all the difference.



#6 Thanks for fixing the broken dryer.

I am quite certain I will never hear those exact words. I grew up without a father, and my mother did everything in her power to make me fear tools. As a result I have little experience or skill in fixing anything that might be considered handyman type stuff. Now "Thanks for fixing the computer." is something I like to hear. 



#7. Thanks for the help around the house.

I don't like this because its phrasing implies that the house is the woman's job and a man should be thanked for giving her hand some times. I do appreciate thanks when for whatever reason I may be doing more than my share of the work, but that isn't "help" its just keeping the house going.



#8. You can always make me laugh.

If Margaret ever said that I would know she ways lying; my idea of a joke is to make a pun. The author of article does suggest that "Even if your husband isn't the ha-ha funny type, you can still compliment his stellar smile." If Margaret ever complimented my smile I would suggest she needs new glasses.



#9. You're so strong.

I don't think I have ever seen a healthy adult male with scrawnier arms than mine. If Margaret ever said this to me I would suspect she was mocking me.



#10. I love spending time with you.

This is important to both hear and to witness.