This is not for lack of trying mind you. I spend time most days thinking about the next post I am going to write, but when it comes time to write I almost always find that either the conditions I like to write in are lacking (I like to be completely alone to write) or I just feel mentally exhausted (which is most of the time these days).
But even my life conspiring against me is not the whole story when it comes to my lack of output. I have more half finished posts and abandon ideas for posts than published ones. And the big reason why I keep giving up on ideas is that I keep finding myself writing in a very angry tone that I do not like. Its bad when I take something that should have been innocent and make it confrontational, but its down right horrible when I take a topic that probably would have rubbed some of my friends the wrong way to begin with and turn it in to a big FU to those friends (emphasis on the word friends, I'm not even talking about pissing off some anonymous jerk, I'm talking about writing things that friends of mine would find offensive).
Furthermore, my wife has pointed out that both on here and on another, now abandoned, blog that I had that tone in published posts and didn't even notice it.
I don't know why my writing often becomes so angry. To be sure, I am suffering from depression right now (more than usual that is), and that can manifest itself in the form of anger, but I don't find myself getting angry a whole lot in my day to day life.
Am I just blind to it in my daily life? Is it something about writing that makes this anger boil to the surface? I don't know, but I need to figure it out because not writing is taking away an outlet that I really need right now.
Cheers.
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